MERRY CHRISTMAS !!!!

We love all of you!!!! Christmas is a time to be with friends and family and we miss all of you so much! However, we must admit that while we are basking in the sunshine on the island of Ko Lanta, we do not miss the Chicago weather, but do miss all of your lovely faces, the Christmas spirit, and the FOOD!!! Christmas dinner will simply not be the same tonight without the usual staples: mashed potatoes, cranberries, greenbeans, tofuturkey, real turkey, gravy, snacks, Asti Spumante, desserts, and oh my God...the stockings filled with enough candy to rot our teeth right out of our heads! Just think...we will be home soooo soon and you can all give us our Christmas presents promptly upon our arrival...lucky you! Just joking but we truly can't wait to see you all! Have a wonderful Christmas and know that we are thinking about all of you today and every day. Hugs and kisses from the most beautiful island in Thailand- Sasha and Buster

Me and my girls at fight night!

One night in Bangkok at Muay Thai Boxing





Goa and Kerala
December, 2006
We are currently in Bangkok, Thailand ( One night in Bangkok and the world's our oyster...) and we keep getting caught up in a whirlwind of Thai massages, great food and lovely cocktails, thus we have severely lagged on posting for Goa and Kerala...sorry bout it.
Goa was relaxing and tropical. We had dinner by candlelight every night ON the sand, and ate fresh papayas, coconuts, and pineapples on the beach during the day. We baked, rather fried, in the scorching Indian sun. The Arabian Sea is calm, warm, and inviting, but it is sooooo hot the water felt like a warm bath, which is not very refreshing. It was great to be able to kick up our nasty feet for bit on the beautiful beaches of Goa. We stayed for a few days at Anjuna Beach, which is the so -called party area( We didn't make it out to the clubs, we'll tell you about it later, but we can say that the story involves lost sandals, a couple too many cocktails, and a long stumble home without a flashlight). We also stayed on Palolem Beach. This place was purrrfect! Goa was a great escape from the harsh realities of the rest of the country.
Kerala was a complete suprise and what a treat! We stayed in a beautiful guesthouse with hardwood floors and it's own pet eagle...kinda wierd but cool. We were lucky enough to score an all day canoe trip with a local guide. It was awesome! He took us around the backwaters and we were able to experience the villages and people from a local's standpoint...simply amazing. He even took us to his house on the water where we went fishing with dough balls hanging from a hook on a stick! Old school style, hence we didn't catch a thing! We visited a local Tody shop which was interesting to say the least. Tody is beer made from coconut milk- it's warm, stinky and na na na nasty.
We are having way too much fun here in Thailand so maybe we should start telling you about that!!!!!! Next blog...we promise. All we have to say is Bangkok is one hell of a city...party anyone? Love from the "so glad we are in Thailand travellers"-

Romantic evening out in Mumbai. What a lovely treat!
Being silly as usual at the Taj Mahal...aren't we hot?
No explanation needed.
Low and behold we found Chopatti Beach in Mumbai, so clean and nice...chuckle chuckle, single tear.
Brad's carnival ride, you'll read about it in the blog!
My friend, he likes you.
Thank goodness we found some clean water to drink, we were getting thirty.

INDIA UNRATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here are some tales, experiences and situations that depict the harsh( funny) conditions and realities we experienced in India. This entry will be dedicated to all of the "stuff" that didn't make it to the cutting room floor, meaning it was not able to be candy coated for you lovely subscribers at home. - Some guy next to me just farted...no joke, but not to worry, we have grown to accept the farts, groans, coughs, snores, hacks, spits, stares, grunts, burps (smelly ones too), smells, snarls, urinations and defecations in public, and many, many more disgusting human attributes. Let us explain...

Wow, India, what an interesting country. We've spoke of beautiful people and magical lanscapes everywhere, which is very true, but we have not let you in on a few secrets of daily life ( at least in our experiences). We must let you know that what we talk about in this blog is COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY OUR OWN EXPERIENCES, we are not stereotyping or generalizing, it is just our own accounts of our month in India( mixed in of course, with some serious sarcasm, exaggeration and fabrication, for your pleasure). Please feel free to laugh at anytime as this is supposed to be funny...o.k? Like ha ha ha , that is so funny!

Did you know that the entire country of India works on commision? We thought that everyone just wanted to be our friend. Sure, sure. India is absolutely exausting. We have travelled thousands of miles in the past month on all kinds of contraptions: the infamous "Indian helicopter", not really a helicopter but a busted- ass bike that was somehow able to carry our fat asses, trains ( we will get to the horror of these monsters in a short bit), nasty, disgusting, bed-bug ridden so-called "sleeper buses" that were so horrific, flithy, bumpy and trecherous that even Brad could not get to sleep. In fact, he actually compares these so-called sleeper buses to a carnival ride gone wrong in which the alcoholic, crack- head carni worker has just smoked a ton of crack and thinks it would be funny to scare the shit out of everyone by speeding up the ride while throwing garbage at your face and peeing on your luggage, all while you are doing 360's and puking on yourself in the dead of night...O.k., what a run on sentence, but there's more...rickshaws...what a frickin' nightmare, but what a fun and exciting way to see a city( I mean you get a close-up view of others, like 1cm away if you are lucky, and get to breathe in all of the fumes from the leaded petrol, smog, and urinating people), and get to race through huge 6 way intersections at full throttle, mind you with NO traffic signals anywhere! Oh, what a gas...no punn intended. Gees we are hilarious. Oh, and we almost forgot, the most simple form of transportation, walking. Forget about it, it won't happen. You will either be eaten alive by panhandlers, stepped on by feces infested cows, spit on by Paan addicted locals, invited to millions of "shops", asphixiated by the stench of urine and whatever, run over by every thing that moves in the city, including the countless number of rabid looking dogs. Oh, and there are no streets signs anywhere. Walking in not the best option. You are so drained from walking only a few hunderd metres that you want to curl up in fetal postion, suck your thumb, and "think of a happy place". Mamma, Mamma is that you? Toto we are not in Kansas anymore...no shit.

Due to all of the confusion and frustration we have encounted, we have compiled a set of
unofficial rules in which we recommend to all travelling to India

Sam and Brad's "Ennai Taniyaaka Irukkavitu" Rules of Survival in India
#1- No, it is not your first time in India.
#2-Create a fake identity plan. Make sure to include a alias. The most irrating and ridiculously redundant questions you will ever hear in your entire life you will hear while in India. They are: Where you from?, pronounced as a yell "Country from?", and What is your name, ALWAYS pronounced as "Name?, or Name you?" To keep sanity and life enjoyable, we recommend using different names everytime, and countries such as Mespotamia, Zimbabwe, Antartica( we know it's a continent, but it works), and any onther weird country that will throw their usual response off guard....For example if you respond with Canada, they say " Canada is #1", or likewise with any other common country. So say something like Namibia and they are temperaraly dumbfounded so you can make a quick getaway!
#3 You do not speak English. Just shrug your shoulders, smile and say " soori, noo speakkee engllissh" it really works, and is an incredibly effective tool.
# 4 Never believe anyone. It sounds cruel, but it will save your hours of precious time. For example, do not believe anyone if they tell you any of the following ridiculous things: that the hotel has burned down, it is full, or your reservation was cancelled. My friends place is better. The owner of that hotel poisoned some guests last week and they died. Sure I will take you there she is my close family friend ( this is a lie...they will take you somewhere else and try to force you to stay there...Horrible rickshaw Mafia) That hotel is far outside the city (We actually heard all of these ridiculous things!). You cannot purchase train tickets from the train station, you must purchase them at a tourist travel agency, and you are in luck because my uncle works there...lucky you! ( BULLSHIZER!). We actually fell for that one. This is a great trick. At the train station, a guy disguised as a train station employee approached us as we entered and told us the bad news, that we could not buy tickets here, but we were in luck because he would hail a rickshaw for us that would take us to the place where we could buy the tickets. We didn't stand a chance against this professional hussler. We finally caught on after we arrived at the tourist shop. The guy actually pretended to call and try to make train reservations for us, he looked somber as he hung up the phone " I'm sorry, all of the trains to Jaisalmer are booked solid for the next month, and so are all of the hotels. It is busy season, did you know that? Also, Elton John is going there, so all of his fans are booking everything up as well". This a-hole actually said all of this to us! Who on earth does he think we are...Americans? We tried to leave but his friend stood in the doorway and blocked our exit, as he claimed" You are in luck my friends because I have a minvan and driver you can rent for only $500.00 US dollars!" We bolted and they cursed us the entire way out! We went straight back to the train station, silently gave the Faux train employee the finger, and easily bought our tickets...for 6.00 US dollars. Note to self: The train station is the most logical place to purchase a TRAIN ticket. Husslers =1
vs. Sam and Brad =0
#5 No one really wants to be your friend. Sorry to tell you, but it's true.
#6 Always carry small bills, as there seems to be a natioanl shortage of small change.
#7 "Best Price" is NEVER the best price, and "fixed price" doesn't really exist. Don't fall for the "looking is for free", we just reply "so is saying no".
#8 Beware of the children, they are the BEST husslers and will follow you for miles screaming "photo money, photo money!!!!!!!!!!!!!", if you dare to take a picture of them. Don't be fooled by their cute faces. If they come up to you and try to hand you something...run because they will make you pay for it if you accept it. Damn, those little buggers are cute and soooo good!
#9 Always set price before doing anything, even going poop or pee.
#10 Bring toilet paper. they do noy use it here, I promise. Instead they use their left hand...seriously. All toilets are the "stand up-pee and poo on your leg if you are a girl-type", and are so gross I don't even know where to begin. I will neve learn how to poo standing up.
#11 Do not let anyone clean you ears...unless you are seriously delusional. They will try relentlessly, even coming up to you and grabbing a hold of your dear earlobe shreiking" your ears are soo dirty!"

A couple of other things that we would like to add: Pizza should never, ever, ever, ever, be made with curry, if so, dire consequences should follow. Advertising that you have "Italian style pizza's" made my heart skip a beat...until I tasted it...shame on you. First you raise poor travelers hopes up, then send them crashing to hell with your curry pizza..I hate you.

Hot shower does not exist. Brad loves lamp. By the way people we are Sam and Brad...not A.T.M...got it? So "Ennai Taniyaaka Irukkavitu"!!!!! A.k.a. Leave us alone!!! (In Hindi). Brad's new favorite word is Necessary? Got it?... As in "are all those freaking horns really NECESSARY!!!!!????"
Oh, we almost forgot...Back to the train situation. I realize that this is a very, very long blog, but to best describe our train situation I have decided to quote a few pages from my journal...word for word, bleeping out the very bad words, so here goes :

November 25, 2006 Thanksgiving day
" I have never, ever in my life heard such loud and obnoxious snoring. It is only 6:30 p.m and we are on the train to Mumbai. We left at 11:30 a.m. Not only do the people in our bunk have the worst B.O. I have ever smelled ( so bad it's gag worthy), the man is sleeping in Brads bunk...at 6:30 at night, and is snoring so bad I can't even here myself think. I cannot remember a time that I was truly this irritaed, my skin is crawling and I am this close to punching him in his loud, B.O. face. O.k., O.K...I know, but seriously. How could his wife allow this to continue? The absolute worst thing ever! And to add fire to the flame, I was just informed that our little train is running 4 hours late. WWWWOOOPPPPPEEDY DOOOO!!!!! I can barely write, all I can think about is screaming bloody murder in his ear to SHUT THYE F$*K UP, I mean it, it's completely out of control. Everyone on the train is staring at us, they are pissed too! actually I heard a man complaining to the conducter about it, he's pissed and everyone feels bad for us. Oh well, 28 hours to go, What a freakin nightmare".
Mind you people, that while you were feasting on turkey, mashed potato's and treats, we were on the train to Hell. Also, another lovely thing we have learned to appreciate is cockroaches. We are happy to see them and welcome them into our luggage, rooms and train cars. Usually if there is an abundace( like 1000's of them), there seems to be a lack of bed bugs. Bed bugs bite, cockroaches do not. Bring on the cockroaches please!
Love from the wonderful minds of Sam and Brad!
P.S. We wrote a song about it, wanna hear it, here it goes...
Come see my shop Madame,
Madame my shop
Madame my shop
Looking is for free Madame in my shop
My shop my shop my shop
Madame my shop
My friends shop
Madame my friends shop
Everybody has a shop
Looking is for free at everybodies shop
Country from Madame ?
my shop
Name Madame?
my shop
Nice things Madame, my shop
My shop my shop my shop.

We'll sing it to you later, but for now, use your imagination. Just pretend the voice is like nails on a chalkboard and you will love it!
Thanks for being so attentive and patient

-Mikey Song, take this blog seriously if you plan on surviving India. Make sure you do not get confused with the Indian head wobble. Everyone does it and it is confusing and frustrating because it can mean a number of things including: yes, no, I don't know, maybe, what are you talking about?, wanna see my shop?, and so on...seriously. You'll see, then you will laugh your ass off cause' you'll understand. Beware of the cows, their frisky and told us they were interested in seeing the "Brown eye". They are waiting for you Mikey Song. With bells on...

Welcome to Varanasi, said to be one of the Holiest places in the world.
Located on the sacred Ganges river, Varanasi's spiritual culture is so rich and facinating we feel we must share with you what we have learned. This will be an intese blog, therefore we are giving you fair warning. We hope that this little blog may provide you with some insight into a culture and religion that you may not be familiar with; Hinduism. Enjoy the blog, and if you have any questions please let us know, and I'm sure we can find out the answer for you! We love all of you so much. Here goes...

If they have the means to do so, Hindu's are expected to make a Holy Pilgrimage once a year. The Ganges river is a special pilgrimage because most people who make the trip here are old and/ or terminally ill, and wish to die here, have their body cremated, and ashes thrust into the river. Many other people visit the Ganges to bathe in the Holy water and thus purify their souls. The river's water is believed to be so powerful that once you bathe in it your soul is pure.
For 5,ooo years Hindu's have been cremated on the river banks of the Ganges. This process is done openly, and all (except female family members, but I will explain that later) are welcome to watch. Male family members of the deceased must shave their heads and faces, in order to participate in the ceremony. However, not everyone can be cremated at the Burning Ghats along the Ganges. At Manikarnika Ghat, only those who have died of natural causes can be cremated here. Further down the river at Harishchandra Ghat, those who have been murdered or have had accidental deaths must be burned here, away from the others. Hindus believe that accidental deaths and murders are results of bad Karma, thus seperating them from those with good Karma is essential.

The cremations are done 365 days a year, 24 hours a day. At Manikarnika Ghat alone, 300-400 bodies are cremated each day.

To prepare for the cremation ceremony, the bodies are first washed in the Holy Ganges, for purification. Women relatives are not allowed to be present for the cremation. This is due to an old Hindu tradition that forced the widowed wives to jump onto her deceased husbands body while he was being cremated, thus commiting a sort of forced suicide. More than a tradition, this was an unwritten law, and in recent years women have been banned for their own protection.

After the body is purified it is delicately brought to the river banks and placed atop carefully constructed piles of wood which are burned during cremation. The closest male relative lights a switch of wood from the Eternal Flame ( which we are told has been kept burning for 5,000 years). No matches or any type of artificial flame can be used...only the fire from the Eternal Flame. After the switch is ignited the male walks around the body 5 times, to symbolize the 5 sources of life : Earth, water, air, sky, and fire. He then lights the body on fire and the cremation officially begins. This was the single most intense thing we have ever witnessed. At any given time there are 6 or more bodies burning at this Ghat. This is all done in the open, and my bleeding heart had a difficult time fighting hysterics. Once the tears began, and I was almost out of control, I was approached by a gentleman and was told I must stop crying immediatly. He explained that one must not cry for the deceased while he/ she is being cremated because their soul will not be able to be set free. He explained that crying holds the soul back, and I was not about to have that kind of guilt on my conscience, so I just cried on the inside.

The lowest caste (class) in the Hindu society are called the "Untouchables". These poor( I use this word literally and figuratively here) people have the responsiblity to work at these Ghats their entire lives. They are the only Caste that are forced to do this depressing job of tending to the fires of burning people.
After the body is cremated the skull still remains. The elder male must take a bamboo stick and crack the skull open. This releases the soul and sets it free. The ashes of the body are sprinkled into the Ganges and the family continues to pray for the soul of the deceased.

Some instances occur, however, that prevent a body from being cremated. These include the following: Children under the age of ten are never to be cremated because their soul is still pure and their Karma good. Pregnant women, because they are carrying an innocent soul. Holy Men, because they dedicate their lives to the Gods and their souls are pure. Animals, because they too are innocent and pure souls. Lastly, people that have died from Leprosy, poisoning, or snake bites, because cremating them would release toxins into the air that would harm others.
These people are instead tied to stones and placed ceremonoiusly into the river where they sink to the bottom...and hopefully do not rise up, but that is not always the case, as we found out...The witnessing of dead bodies floating down a river would dampen anyone's day, take it from us.

This whole process left us drained, baffled, melancholy, and distressed, but truly enlightened and actually envious of their undying Faith. I realized that when I was weeping it was not beacause I was watching a human body being burned, it was because actual beauty of faith moved me. Faith is such a miraculous thing, and to be amongst so many people filled with such faith I was moved to tears.

I have been struggling with faith in any God or higher power for many years now, and it is no secret that I consider myself agnostic, but when I say struggling, I mean it. I just finished a truly remarkable book titled The Life of Pi, by Yann Martel. The author discussed this very struggle. He said that he understood believers, and he understood atheists, but just could not come to understand someone that lives their entire life in doubt. He claims that these people( agnostics), must have a very exausting life always doubting, guessing and being confused. I completely understand because that is how I often feel. I wish I could enjoy the comfort of having faith and truly believing in a higher power, or to enjoy the similar comfort of rejecting religion completely and enjoying only scientific explanations of our existence. I am truly perplexed and envy the devout faith of others, especially those who so graciously allowed us to watch, experience, and learn from their Hindu Rituals. Thank you for the experience.
We love all of you back home and hope that this entry has been informative. We have not done research, and if any of this information is incorrect I apologize. I am just repeating what we learned from Holy Men, locals, and other Hindu's while we were in Varanasi.
Love from the Holiest River on Earth- Sam and Brad.

Agra, India

The Taj Mahal is the greatest monument ever built out of love. It instantly brought me to tears. Some things just don't need an explanation, so we'll just let the pictures speak for themselves.

Just a quick view from Sadar Bazaar Road...everything seems to go on here! Like, for example, our waiter offering us some Hashish...don't worry, it wasn't the first time, nor the last... Now, Pushkar is a DRY city. No alcohol, except the beer that our waiter also offered us, only we had to hide it under the table and pretend we were asleep if the cops showed up. Weird huh?
These ladies were so cute and smiley!!!!!!!! Sure, whatever.
Brad and his Snake Charmer friends- From left to right- Grampy, Pinky, Sassy, Bradley, Siamezes, and Charmey. The 7 Dwarfs Indian Style + Snakey.

Pushkar, India

Pushkar is simply beautiful. Upon arrival we went down to Holy "Pushkar" Lake, where we were able to view the bathing Ghats, Brahma Temple, Sihk Temple, and some various other temples. We were in awe of the peacefulness of this place, but it only seems natural that a place where Ghandi's ashes were placed would be peaceful. A Brahman Priest approached us and asked us if we would like to be blessed ( for a small fee of course). Why not? It was actually a very special event where we recieved "Holy Passports"( in the form of string tied around our wrists, red paint on our foreheads, and rice stuck to the paint...oh yes, it was super sexy) We enjoyed the education and blessings that he offered. It was a traditional ceremony and we prayed together for our loved ones and he assured us that we were blessed...not before he asked us for more money. India, go figure.
Pushkar was a heaven for us ( well more so for me), in addition to being a dry city everyone needs a little sobriety once in a while), the entire city is vegetarian...whoooppppeeee! It is also home to many Herbal massage spas and we both enjoyed a 1 1/2 hour Ayurvedic Massage for a total of @ $ 25.oo U.S!
It was very mellow town, but our next stop was Agra, home of the Taj Mahal, and we were blown away. We will let the pictures speak for themselves. Love from Pushkar-the most bathed in Holy Lake in India.