HO HO HO!!!!!!!!!!
Merry Christmas and all that jazz!!
This is just a quick shot-out to all of our amazing family, friends, and avid blog followers. We love each and every one of you and can't thank you enough for your support and love. It can be super tough travelling at times and it always perks up our day when we think of you guys! We hope that all of you snowmen and snowwomen had a spectacular Christmas, even though there are a few of you (you know who you are), that should be getting coal in their stockings. he he he
     

We spent an incredibly awkward Christmas on the beach in Byron Bay, Australia. There was no snow, no snowmen, no Santa, Rudolph, or stockings. We had no presents to open, no egg frickin nogg, no mistletoe kisses, no family(other than Ducky and us), no cranberry sauce, no Christmas tree, no creepy little elves, or Christmas decorations. However, what we got instead was quite dreadful actually. . . (we make it sound bad, but the bad parts always seem so much more interesting than the candy coated shit, right?)

We arrived at our absolutely disgusting backpacker hostel and wanted to cry, literally. Due to high season, and an overabundance of greasy, grimy, smelly, backpackers (we are no longer in the "backpacker" category, please refer to us only as Savvy Nomads), we had no other option but to stay in this hellhole disguised as a hostel. My Lord people. . . REALLY. REALLY??

      It was a full on marsh, equipped with pond scum and all. It was difficult to distinguish between the actual pond scum and the people staying there. Unbelievable. It was like visting the elephant exhibit at the zoo. Yuck!!! The refridgerators were so overflowing with nasty food that they started to leak and raw chicken, YES!, raw chicken juice was dripping on the floor, paired with rotten milk, melted butter, rotting fruit, and an array of other types of truly disgusting shit, that were to difficult to decipher.  There was no cutlery to be found and the can opener had black mold all over it!!!!! Everything was closed so we were forced to use this kitchen to cook in!!!!

     We are still recovering from it. Think of a happy place. Think of a happy place. . . 

As gnarly as it seems, we somehow managed to pull it off and have a quite delightful Christmas dinner. Sure, sure. . .   Truth be told, our biggest issue was not with our hostel, but  with the dissapearance of Ducky!!!         

     He left us on Christamas Eve and decided to go party with some people he met on the beach. We were livid and told him that he must stay at home with us. . . Enough is enough already!. . . But, Ducks will be Ducks and he went out anyway! Bad Ducky!

 He had no idea that we had already planned a Christmas intervention with Russell the Ohana Bear. Russell was ready to intervene, but Ducky was nowhere in sight! 

     Brad went looking for Ducky and ran into this restaurant owner in China Town.

     "Oh No" he exclaimed! I saw that ducky and thought he would make an excellent Peking Duck Salad, so. . .  I kidnapped him and tried to serve him to my guests, but he ran away! "So Sorry my friend!"

    Brad decided to let Ducky have his space, and we hoped that he would be OK. . .

Alas, Ducky made it home safely on Christmas morning, but we wanted to hear the story from him. . .  so here is Ducky's Xmas adventure, told by Ducky Himself. . .

Hi friends, Ducky here! Quack Quack.

I'm sick and tired of Sam and Brad making me out to be an alcoholic. I'm just having fun while travelling, isn't that what Duckies do? Do you think Donald was sober all of the time? Sam and Brad told me not to go out on Xmas eve, but I knew that there was tons of fun to be had, and besides, that hostel was freaking nasty. I thought I was going to get Salmonella just being there! So I packed up all of my important party items: cell phone, notebook and pen (for late night booty calls), lighter and smokes, and my cool shades! Plus I took a fifty-spot from Brad's wallet. Thanks B-Rad. Now I was ready to PARTY!!!

On the way out of the swamp hole (aka Hostel), I ran into this bloke named Rastaguana. He seemed cool enough and offered me an Xmas toke. Why not, I mean it was Xmas. . .  After we sparked up a fattie, had a few laughs, and we were lit up like a couple of christmas trees (no pun intended), I asked him for directions to the beach. I'm not sure exactly what he was trying to say, his thick Iguanan accent was certainly confusing, but I sure hope it wasn't his intention to send me to China Town. Beacause they sure do love their Duck there!

As I stumbled down the street I noticed this cardboard looking man lurking after me and creepily whispering "here ducky ducky ducky. .  ."

     Next thing I knew I was stuffed beak first into a brown paper bag and immediatley felt my oh so high world crashing in on me. What have I got myself into????

SAM!! BRAD!!! HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Think fast think fast. Good luck I've been travelling around with two Savvy Nomads who happen to know a thing or two about these such situations. I though to myself what would Brad do?

Play Dead!    So, I was lying there playing dead and the chef cried  "Dat Duck had heart attack! Let jut put him in salad and charge people double cause he made outta rubba!! You  know how hard it is to get raw rubba in Ausatralia, what a delicacy!"

He looked away for an instant and I made my move. I lept off the table and waddled my ass out of there as fast as possible! Whooooeeee!!!!

I was sweaty and out of breath when I ran into this kooky looking dude dancing around in the streets. "What's the matter little man?" he sang. I explained my situation and he said that the only solution was to accompany him to the Pub for an icy cold brewsky and some quality people watching. He admitted it was a genuine Austrailian pastime. Thank God for weirdos named Dave who don't wear matching socks!

Off to the pub!

We shared stories about life and I explained to him how I was new to the party scene. That was all it took. He made it his mission to introduce me to things (and people) I never knew were possible for a Ducky!
Thanks Dave!
     As the night progressed it began to get creepier and creepier by the minute. One second I was enjoying my glass of Sauv Blanc, than the very next I was observing clothespin nipple clamps! Wow, freaky shit I say.

Dave introduced my to this girl, let's just call her Suzie ( rymes with. . . ) Suzie confessed that she has always had a fettish for Rubber Duckies. I was slightly intoxicated and my beer goggles were definitely playing tricks on me, but I figured, what the hell??! Let's just, how do I say. . . dive in?

I'm telling you this broad was rather persuasive and it wasn't long before she made me into her own  clothespin bondage slave. Ouch! Geez woman, how many fettishes do you have????

I went along with it of course. . . solely to amuse her. I mean it was kinda degrading, but kinda kinky too. It was getting late and I decided that for the benefit of my own pride, I would put the camera away for the evening. XXX

It was extraordinary and I arrived home in the wee hours of the morning. . .

    Only to find a strange Bear sipping tea with Sam and Brad. OH NO!!!! Have they replaced me already?? As I cautiously approached, they welcomed me with open arms and showered me with Christmas joy and laughter, and then dropped the bomb on me.

      "Ducky, this is Russell the Ohana Bear. He is an Interventionist and is here to help you." Honestly, I didn't put up a fight. I really missed them last night and I am ready to clam down. . . slightly, if only for a hot minute. Plus, on the way in I checked out Russell's bag and saw that he had a flask of Bourbon in it. Oh yes, Russell and I will become close for sure. . .

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!! LOOK OUT NEW YEARS EVE. . . HERE WE COME!

Love from all of us on Christmas from the Vegemite capital of the world, Sammy, B-Rad, Ducky and Russell!

Check out our youtube Christmas video that we made just for you guys at 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hA-oxkPlaP8